North Carolina- The Vacation Adventure Begins

I got on the road at 7 am and left Detroit. It was a cold morning wearing my hat,hoodie,and sweats ready for an 11 hr drive. I enjoy driving to NC. I promised myself I was going to return phone calls to people I have not spoken to in a while but then my brain got shut off. I started thinking about 1,000 things. I wish I could tape record all the thoughts that went through my mind during that 11 hr drive- many things come into my brain. Once I got into the hilltops and mountain areas I had on and off rain plus fog. It is a bit scary going around mountain curves at 50mph with fog...not fun and my paranoia kicked in for sure.

                The mountains looked like they were on fire with all the fog seeping out of them

I got to Pilot Mt which is in Virginia about 50 minutes away from my brother and on the edge of NC. It is so beautiful with or without fog.    

I arrived to my brother (tony) and my sister in laws(Laura's) home that evening. I was greeted by cute Adah playing with her toys and newly born Sullivan in Laura's arms. I wanted to hold Sullivan right away. He was so cute. I know newborns do not do much-they cry,sleep,poop, and eat right? But waiting and watching them develop and grow is so amazing. Sullivan Bruce weighs around 9lbs now and is 1 mth old. He looks a lot like my brother and has lots of dark hair. He has amazing big blue eyes that Laura thinks are going to stay. I said he wants to be like his aunts because me and Laura's sister both have blue eyes :)

I held Sullivan that night,chatted with my family, played with Adah a bit while she got used to me and went to bed early. On Wednesday, my first full day there, I woke up to find Adah and my brother prepping Thanksgiving dinner. They were making Pumpkin Cheesecake pie. I started to see Adah as a different child. Just 4 mths ago when I saw her last,she was very smart,but seeing her now amazed me. Her smartness increased. Seeing how she copies EVERY single word you say(so you must be careful!) and wanting to be a part of what you are doing is adorable. This kid likes to cook and help clean.

She helps with laundry,washing things, and doing dishes. She is a little OCD just like my brother when it comes to that,but hey no harm done right?! My brother showed her how to blend the crust and what buttons to push. It had to be one of the cutest moments I saw on my entire trip.

After this project it was time for some Adah and auntie time. She had a fun filled morning of cooking and playing so we ventured outside. In NC that day, it was a nice warm 62 degree fall day. The seasons change slower there than they do in MI so their were still some leaves on the trees and the beautiful fall sun shined perfectly on the leaves.

Adah and I went for a walk. She knows to hold your hand.

She walked with me and wanted to explore. Since she is a neat freak, she had to make sure anytime leaves were being blown into the street, she would pick one or two up and put them back in the giant pile of leaves. All the sticks had to be in that pile too until she found a giant big stick that she wanted to play with!

 

She found lots of fun things on our little adventure outdoors. She saw a dog, rocked her sunglasses on the sunny day, and even played at home on her swing and slide.

what is this, spikes??!!

                                                          Proud Aunt Andrea and Adah

                                                          Squatting down to see a dog

After this, Adah was all tuckered out and had a nap. When she got up,it was time to paint. I was amazed at her artistic ability. She is so smart when it comes to painting. She has a full paint set up. She seems very into it when she is painting- such serious faces! Laura's dad is a painter so it is quite possible she could have a painting future. Regardless, I love that she paints and I have a few of our "portraits" that we did at my house hanging on my fridge. As I sat there taking pictures of her, she decided she wanted me to help. I for one lack MAJOR artistic abilities. I can't even draw a damn cat, but she doesn't know the difference...well maybe. I drew a bear head and she said it was a pumpkin....

 She stands on top of the chair when she needs to get to the top of the painting.

                                                           Adah and I painting together

Being silly together after we got done washing our hands from painting

The cutest thing about this day was Adah showing me how she brushes her teeth. I didn't think this was real! But it was. She has her little step stool and I poured some toothpaste on her brush. She brushed her teeth, knew how to "spit", rinse,and wipe her motuh. The best part of it all is her having her hand on her hip while brushing. I mean hell, I do this often, how does she know?! And why not!?

BRUSH

SPIT

On Thursday it was the best feast day of the year. My parents and grandma arrived in the middle of the day. But before that,Adah and I spend the morning playing. First up, we stayed in our PJ's til about noon. She watched Kermit the frog on TV. Though she really doesn't know who he is, she does know he is a frog and was amazed to watch him.

Now it was time to play the game "come chase me" This girl is so goofy. She had me try to get her and chase her into her bedroom where she would jump on her bed,I'd tickle her,and we'd laugh together. This was a routine that was done over,and over, and over, and over, and you the point! She wore me out but it was super fun. That giggle she has melts my heart.

Adah took a nap then my parents and grandma came. It was so great to see this. My parents miss Adah so much and now having our new family addition Sullivan,it makes things harder. Adah is 22mths old now and my grandma hasn't seen her since she was 5 mths. She fell in love though with Sullivan. All she wanted to do was hold him and pinch his cheeks.

                                                             My Mom fell in love instantly

                                                My Dad held Sullivan like a football!!

It's game time- Lions Football!

My brother is a part time cook and he is really good at it. He always makes amazing meals for me when I am there so you can only imagine his turkey talents. He made an amazing meal filled with:

turkey

gravy

mashed potatoes

sweet potatoes

green bean casserole

pumpkin cheesecake pie

and I am sure I am forgetting thing!

                                                         Laura,my brother, and Adah

Before and after dinner we hung out as a family- we took pictures, gave Adah gifts and watched Sullivan sleep.

The best gift Adah probably got for Thanksgiving was her new guitar. My brother plays and she enjoys it so my parents got her one. She started to play with it right away, even used the guitar pick. What a perfect toy for her!!

It's only Tuesday?

Happy Tuesday friends.

What a crazy last 4 days it has been...............

Friday night I was 100% eager to get to the bar a.s.a.p after I got off work. I hit up my favorite bar and saw some of my kickass friends- I swear Whiskey in the Jar has been my favorite bar for a few years now and I have no clue what I am going to do when I move to NC. No bar will ever be able to replace it- the drinks,the people, the bartenders, the environment, etc...It saddens me. It's like Cheers "where everybody knows your name". It's 100% true. Very small bar and small city= everyone knowing another or by name or by face. Anyways, as always after being away from the bar for a bit due to vacation and busy times, I had to drink up...and I sure did. I also hit up the The Two Way Inn bar that night. It was a great night and I felt home again. It's the only place I really feel comfortable in and at and I never thought I'd feel that way about Hamtramck. Gosh, I wish I could move that city with me.

Saturday I took a personal day- I watched friends with benefits. It was a fantastic movie. Mila Kunis is beautiful, Justine timberlake is beautiful, and the storyline was great. Not too chessy which you expect from movies like this! Great story, lots of laughs, great one liners, and I highly recc. seeing it!

                                 I also watched the big MSU game....and sadly watched them lose.


Sunday was my typical Sunday- cleaning the house, tending to me pets needs,etc etc. Weekends are def not long enough. Monday was suppose to be a full work day but many things occurred- I overslept because my power was out and my alarm didn't go off, my basement got flooded from all the rain and the sump pump was not working, and lastly I got a very bad migraine. Ugh what a long annoying day it was. And here we are today on Tuesday- a bit of a migraine still, my head feels like it's 5x the size,and my body- oh my,soooo sore. All my muscles ache and everything on me hurts, didn't think that was possible.

I was gonna update my blog today by blogging about NC but sadly I am not in the mood. I am in a frumpy mood today. It's the 2nd week of December- I am nowhere near being in the Christmas mood/spirit- we got snow last night(only like an inch) but that didn't help. I am so low on money that it's gonna be hard to buy Christmas gifts and that makes me sad because I love gift giving. And I am so tired by the weekend that putting up my Christmas tree and decorations makes me dread the weekend but it must be done. It's my last Xmas here in MI, or so I hope, and I need my tree up for memories. Christmas over the past few yrs have been hard. 4 yrs ago is when I met Timm and that was a crazy Christmas month and ride of December, it always brings back triggers. I felt so in love with him...if I had only knew the outcome. Last year me and my ex boyfriend Scott broke up 3 days before Christmas after a year of dating and my depression began for a good 2 mths..... my Holiday was awful. I was told by my family all those typical things- nagging me about a boyfriend/husband, a child, to suck it up, etc. This yr it is not too different. Still alone and single BUT proud this year of that.

On a good note in my opinion for me coming up it will be 1 yr -12-22-11- that I have been single. Sure I have dated, met some men, etc but I have been 100% single for one year. This is news to me and everyone else that knows me!  It's been a long time. I actually have found 2011 to have been an amazing yr for me, minus the month of October. I got to do many amazing things, met so many new people, and really refocused on myself. I have become a stronger older version of Andrea and I am happy where I am right now.....minus a few things. I am unhappy with my job, at times I do wish I had "that special someone", and I want to be living in NC.  Living in NC and the job situation will change in about 8 mths or so that's the plan, so I must keep that positive thought in my head.As far as the man thing- who knows when going to be 100% ready to fully give my heart away again. 
I just can't get into the holiday spirit. And blogging about my NC trip and sharing pictures makes me even more sad esp since I can't spend the holidays with my family. I will blog about NC soon though, it will actually make me relive the joy, but not feeling it today.... I usually love looking at Christmas lights and doing all the fun stuff Downtown Detroit has to offer during this season, but damn this is one busy month and I don't have the time or I don't have the energy it seems. I wish december wasn't such a blah month for me either, it seems to be when hibernation starts for myself(and many others), the cold weather comes in, and so far December has not treated me wonderfully.

So after all my bithcing in the blog, I will end this blog with a positive note- I hope this week and month get better for me and are good for all youas well out there. Mostly important- I want to finish 2011 with a smile.


                                                   LETS KICK THIS ASSES WEEK!!!

Sometimes emotions do not go away

I really don't know who is my audience yet reading this. It could be 2 people or 10 or who knows but I need to vent. This morning I had a court appointment for a car accident that was in mid October. I just had to go to court and if the other person involved didn't show then my case was thrown out-no pts or fines. Well,  sure lucked out cause the other person didn't show, whoo hoo for me right?! Well yes but at the same time it was an awful morning and I am going to tell you why....


8.17.08 -  I was in a domestic violence attack with the man I loved. I am not going into all the details and story about that(again) but obviously it has changed my life. I have really bad triggers,anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder due to this. Along with many other things I battle daily, this day was going to be different. I have not been in a court house since I was going to court hearings and trial with my ex. JUST seeing a court house building gives me anxiety and brings back bad memories. Their are many things you can do to overcome your past and triggers. I have been very strong and grown a lot, thanks to my amazing friends, medications, social networking groups, reading, and most importantly counseling. I never thought I'd be in a courthouse again or at least this soon and I know 3 yrs has been a while..... but it's not in my book.


Getting ready this morning was a process. I had the same routine as I would for work-shower,get ready,get dressed,feed the pets, head out...but all in my head this morning were total clear replays of that first day I had in court with my ex. It  was the same building so I was dreading going there this morning. Of course their was a delay because my building maintenance had to check something on my complex...ok phew this gives me an extra few minutes to breathe.
So I drive to court,this time all alone whereas the time I was there before I had mom, dad,friends, and a counselor.
09/08- I walked into the courtroom wearing a black dress. My frame was so skinny and bony. My head highly medicated.My body was shaky and the left over bruises on my body were shown. I walked in behind everyone and looked threw the courtroom window to enter. There he was, sitting there in a full suit with his father. Looks like he was there for a traffic ticket, but little did everyone know in that room that this guy tried to kill me. He may not of seen that in his eyes ever(also because he was drugged and drunk and ill)  but I did. I know saying kill can be a harsh term also, but in my head,my book, my body- kill is the right word for what he did to me and what I felt that on that August day. I remember I took a seat and my friend told me to not look in the room. I didn't; as much as I wanted to I remember. I wanted to give him that evil death stare, pfffftt, as if that would help take the pain away! I wanted to scream and yell at his face. That day I didn't end up having to sit in a courtroom with him. He just sat in the waiting room as I sat outside the waiting room and got the date and courthouse changed to a different location. Phew that day was done. Then the courtroom process started...every mth for like 6 mths, maybe longer? It just seemed liked it never ended. Going in monthly with the same feeling everytime and it ACTUALLY got worse before it got better each time. I had to be alone (with my support group) in a courtroom with him. He would sit always 2 rows in front of me with smugness on his face. It was an awful and emotional situation I hadf to go through.


So today when I was going into court these were the visions in my mind that I could not get rid of . No matter how much I played on my phone,listened to music, or did anything to clear my head it didn't work. I got into the curt room this a.m and the first thing I see is a check in point for witnesses. Now I didn't need to be in that area but I walked past it. Witnesses there were TRAFFIC witnesses and victims,BUT NOT victims of DV but that's all I would think of. I had a witnesses...for a crime...that happened to me. I am not nor have I ever asked for pity but at this moment being in there this morning I needed someone with me to say calm down or something.... I sat down and luckily my one friend texted me. We chatted for a few and I was called into the court room. I was in that room for a matter of only 5 minutes and everything got dripped. I couldn't get out of that room or building fast enough. I left and felt relieved like a weight was lifted off me. I sat for a few and then left. It was over. I was not harmed, I was ok. Now here I am 6 hrs later writing and my head still feels clogged. I just am not feeling myself today. I fear I am going to have night terrors and I know people say if I think that way they'll happen. But they don't work that way for me. They will happen whenever my mind lets them or wants them to, no real control over it. My sleeping pills don't even control them.


What bothers me is people not understanding me or why I feel triggers. I was told yesterday " 3 yrs and you're still not over it?" um no....their are many things I am over, many I am not, and many I will be one day but somethings won't ever be gone. Their will be acceptance and forgetfulness but sometimes thinks will just have to stick forever and people need to accept this and me for me......

Today- 12/1/11-  Horoscope (yes,it is officially December)
"There is an old resentment you have been nurturing. You may believe that you have let it go in the past, only to have it rekindled by the person who offended you. But you really need to take a good,long look in the mirror,Gemini, Did you really let go of your anger? Did you really forgive this person? Or did you simply approach him or her with the hope that you would receive a heartfelt apology and then, went that didn't happen, did you build the wall between you even higher? Most likely it's the latter. Try truly letting go and forgiving, and you may even get that apology you seek."

I like this a lot. Although I will never forgive him for that he did or forget, this is right when it comes to the anger part. Of course I am still angry, why wouldn't I be? But it affects me more on some days more than others. I will never get an apology. The apology he gave in court  was a joke. But I like the words given to me today in this daily horoscope


Here are a few nice supportive things friends said to me today


"Just remind yourself that as much as it sucks, it has an end point. you will get out of there today. and it's *only* a building; it can't hurt you. you know how and why the panic attacks set it, out manuever them. you WILL be ok."

"This too shall pass, and will make you stronger. You're a strong lady to begin with."

"Remember everything we talked about. Your gonna do great"

"u need to stand strong and push through it and u will. and u WILL overcome it. ur never gonna escape everything that was involved but u will surpass it with time. breathe and just stay strong. you have to stay positive and remember that you fought that battle and left with ur dignity and pride and that this situation is not like the one a few years ago. u are a stronger person for everything and nothing can break you down."   (this was from my good friend Janelle who sat by my side at EVER single court date. She was and is my strength.


And that is me venting and writing for now! I'll leave you with these photos captions for the day because I think these really sum me up and how I am feeling today: